Legal advice and fufillment
Ready to assist you in sorting out all of your nuisances and making your problems disappear, including people!
Top of the line security and confidentiality, with a track record of keeping things on the down-low from the press and authorities.
Whatever your needs, we’ll hear your concerns with complete secrecy, guaranteed.
Doesn’t matter if it’s classified or embarrassing; it’s between you and us and nobody else.
Who we are
Here at Sakamoto Law Agency (pronounced SAH-kaw-moto, not sah-KOH-moto) we're 3 lawyers who are ready to listen and fufill YOUR case. Whatever the complaint or dispute, we'll file all the paperwork. We can also help with corporate mergers and financial restructuring. Contact us for a free* 20 minute consultation and get a quote on our full services!
Family owned and operated.
All business with clients remains confidential.
A track record in taking down megalomaniacs.
The number one law agency on The Island.
Top Reasons To Choose Us!
2004
Established in
158
Total cases
11
Unique sentient
species served
69
Nice
Areas of Practice
Informal Disputes
Did somebody trespass on your property? Throw objects through your window? What about someone trying to feed you to an android? Or maybe they attempted to enslave your species as their own personal army? We'll settle the matter in your favor.
Business Grievances
Do you feel wronged by a company? Everybody does, but oftentimes these grievances can reward you with financial compensation in the court of law. They can't do whatever they want when it damages the rights of a sentient species. Let's chat!
Corporate Restructuring
Whether it be merging and acquiring companies, restructuring the management and human resources of a business branch, or liquidation of unneeded assets, we've got what you need. Have your firm contact us to start filing the paperwork.
Declaration of Sentience
Sakamoto Law Agency was a keystone of the newly passed Interspecies Sentience Act, which allows a species to declare themselves as Sentient and Sapient, deserving of rights equal to that of humans. If you're literate and can read this yet don't have rights, let's fix that!
Need to talk to us?
We're happy and eager to listen! Just give us a call or email and we'll set an appointment for your free* 20 minute consultation, in which we'll give a quote for extended services.
ON HOLD
ON HOLD
NOTICE: Appointments are currently on hold due to a sudden high volume of cases in the past 24 hours. Please standby as we resolve them. We'll get back to hearing yours shortly!
Sakamoto Law Agency is owned by the Sakamoto family Omniproduct Inc.
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This website is part of an elaborate April Fools joke. Do not take it seriously.